Couples Therapy in San Francisco, Berkeley & throughout California

Are You and Your Partner Stuck in the Same Painful Patterns?

Most couples who come to see me still love each other deeply. But somewhere along the way, they've gotten stuck in communication patterns that spiral out of control, leaving each person feeling hurt, angry, sad, or misunderstood.

Maybe you find yourselves having the same argument over and over again. One of you brings up a concern, and before you know it, you're both entrenched in familiar defensive positions. The conversation escalates. Words are said. Doors are slammed. And afterward, you're both left wondering how you got there again.

Or perhaps the problem isn't the fighting—it's the silence. You've stopped arguing because you've stopped sharing what really matters. You're roommates more than partners. The intimacy and connection you once had feels like a distant memory.

You're Not Alone: Common Issues Couples Face

In my work with couples in Berkeley and San Francisco, I see these challenges come up again and again:

• Communication breakdowns: You try to talk about important issues, but conversations quickly deteriorate into arguments, defensiveness, or shutting down
• Trust and infidelity: Whether it's an emotional affair, physical betrayal, or broken promises, rebuilding trust feels overwhelming
• Intimacy issues: The physical and emotional closeness you once shared has faded, leaving you feeling more like roommates than romantic partners
• Life transitions: Major changes like having children, career shifts, relocations, or aging parents are creating stress and distance
• Different values or goals: You're realizing you have different visions for your life together, whether it's about money, parenting, religion, or lifestyle
• Power imbalances: One partner feels they're doing more than their share, whether emotionally, domestically, or financially
• Past wounds: Old hurts and resentments keep getting triggered, making it hard to stay present with each other

If any of these resonate with you, please know that these are normal relationship struggles. They don't make you a failure. They make you human. And they're absolutely workable with the right approach.

Why Couples Therapy Works (When You Have the Right Therapist)

Here's the truth: Not all couples therapy is created equal. You've probably heard stories of couples therapy that felt like sitting in a room talking about your feelings with no real progress. Or worse, sessions that made things more tense.

That's not what happens in my office.

I work primarily with Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which is one of the most researched and effective approaches to couples therapy. Studies show that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery, and approximately 90% show significant improvement.

EFT works because it doesn't just focus on surface-level communication skills. Instead, we go deeper to understand the emotional patterns driving your conflicts.

Here's How We'll Work Together:

First, we calm things down. My initial goal is to help you both feel safe enough to actually hear each other. I work to slow down those triggering communication patterns so we can see what's really happening beneath the surface.

Then, we identify the deeper issues. Most relationship conflicts aren't really about who did the dishes or who forgot to call. They're about deeper needs for connection, security, and being valued. We'll uncover what each of you is really asking for emotionally.

Next, we explore your individual experiences. Often, the way you show up in your relationship is connected to your own history—your family of origin, past relationships, and wounds that haven't fully healed. We'll gently explore these connections so you can understand yourself and your partner more deeply.

Finally, we build new patterns. Once you understand the cycle you've been caught in, we practice new ways of connecting. You'll learn how to reach for each other instead of pushing away when things get hard. How to express vulnerability instead of criticism. How to truly listen and respond to each other's deeper needs.

What Makes My Approach Different

I bring my full self to the therapy room—compassion, creativity, and yes, humor when appropriate. Couples therapy doesn't have to be heavy and serious all the time. Sometimes we need to lighten the mood to really see what's happening.

I'm also trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), which means I understand that each of you has different "parts"—the critic, the protector, the wounded child. When conflict happens, often these parts are taking over. I help you both get some distance from these reactive parts so you can connect from a calmer, more authentic place.

Most importantly, I genuinely believe in the resilience of relationships. I've seen couples on the brink of divorce rebuild something even stronger than what they had at the beginning. I've watched partners who couldn't even look at each other learn to laugh together again. This work is possible, and I'm honored to guide you through it.

Common Concerns About Starting Couples Therapy

"What if my partner doesn't want to come?"

It's common for one partner to be more ready than the other. If your partner is hesitant, I'd be happy to have a brief phone call with them (or you can share my information) to address their concerns. Sometimes just knowing what to expect makes all the difference.

"What if we're too far gone?"

Unless you're both completely checked out, there's almost always something to work with. I've helped couples rebuild after affairs, after years of distance, after betrayals of all kinds. The key is that you're both willing to try.

"Won't you just take their side?"

As your couples therapist, I'm on the side of the relationship. I see both of you as good people caught in a bad pattern. My job is to help you both feel heard and understood, not to judge who's right or wrong.

"What if therapy makes things worse?"

It's true that therapy sometimes brings up difficult emotions. But avoiding these emotions doesn't make them go away—it just lets them fester. In therapy, you're not alone with those hard feelings. I'm there to help you move through them together in a productive way.

What to Expect in Your First Session

I know coming to couples therapy can feel vulnerable. Here's what will happen in our first meeting:

• We'll start by talking about what brought you here and what you're hoping will change
• I'll ask about your relationship history—how you met, what initially drew you together, when things started to feel difficult
• We'll explore the patterns you're currently stuck in
• I'll share my observations and outline how I think we can work together
• You'll have a chance to ask questions and decide if I'm the right fit for you

Most couples leave the first session feeling relieved. Finally, someone understands what they've been going through. Finally, there's a path forward.

Investment in Your Relationship

Session fees are $250 per 50-minute session. I offer a limited number of sliding scale spots for couples with financial need. I'm in-network with select insurance plans, and can provide superbills for out-of-network reimbursement.

Most couples see me weekly at first, then transition to every other week as things improve. The length of therapy varies, but many couples notice significant changes within 3-4 months of consistent work.

Let's Take the First Step Together

The fact that you're here, reading this, says something important: You haven't given up. Part of you still believes this relationship can be different. I believe that too.

I offer a free 20-minute phone consultation where we can talk about what you're experiencing and whether couples therapy might be helpful. There's no pressure, no commitment—just a conversation about where you are and where you want to be.

Call me at (415) 722-4699 or fill out the contact form below to get started.